The World As A Whole
She makes her way into her house both looking forward and dreading the evening. It would probably be the last movie night she spends with her daughter for a while. Her little girl, all ready to conquer the world now.
What she hears, when she closes the door behind her, makes her blood freeze in her veins, though. It's not the sound of the TV she'd expected to hear, not the usual smell of coffee in the air. Instead, it's an eerie silence shattered occasionally by heart-wrenching sobs that take her breath away.
Slowly, so slowly, she walks to her daughter's room, dreading the sight that awaits her. The flames of a fear that she'd wanted to leave buried deep down are coming back to life.
The door is open and she stops momentarily, her knees weakening. Her daughter, lying on her bed, is holding onto something for dear life, crying into it as sobs rack her body. She'd never wanted to see her like this, so broken and lost. Not after everything that had happened.
She sits down beside her on the bed, gently touching her daughter's head. As Rory flinches at that, she notices what exactly it is she's clutching — a man's sweater.
"Logan." Barely a whisper but she still hears the word crossing her lips. It isn't so much what she says but rather how that tears her apart from the inside out.
Once more she tries to get closer, tries to comfort her baby in her pain. This times she lets it happen, only for the sorrowful sobs to come even harder than before.
"Logan."
It's the one word she'll forever dread to hear. For as much as she hates to allow the thought to come to the surface, it is mostly her fault, they're here now. This isn't wallowing anymore after breaking up with someone; this is a world left in shambles, broken almost till beyond repair.
It always used to be 'Us against the world'. They were each other's world, nothing could break them apart. Until the little girl grew up and made her own decisions, started a life of and on her own. It is hard letting go of someone you love, even more so when it's your best friend. Still, it doesn't give anyone the right to do the things she did and didn't do.
"Logan."
One simple word accompanied by so much agony, sorrow and regret.
Now it's time for Lorelai, the mother, to face her truth, the reality. The truth that she isn't the only one Rory means the world to. The truth that she is jealous of the fact that Rory managed to get so easily what she'd been fighting for her whole life. The truth that she doesn't want to let her girl go, not anywhere and not with him. The truth that she wants Rory to only be happy with her, even if it's clear that those times are long gone. The truth that Rory had known deep down she'd found the one guy so long ago already. The truth — the one that hurts the most — that she might have destroyed it all by her dislike of him.
There is only one thing left for her to do.
Hours later, when the sobs finally cease and her daughter falls into a fitful sleep all the while still mumbling the name of him, she leaves the room silently. She stares at the phone as if it's going to bite her, not finding the courage yet to go ahead and do what she has to do.
Even later then, she talks, explains, begs — and listens. Of course, she never expected this to be easy. So, she does it all over again. Because she has to, for her little girl.
She would not give up until she gets what she wants, and it's one thing only. It is hard letting go of someone you love, but if you know that in turn two people will be happier, it's the right thing to do.
Early the next morning she stands by the door of her daughter's room watching her. The woman — even though she would always be her little girl — holding the sweater in her arms, like it's the man it belongs to.
She, herself, didn't sleep a second this night, couldn't.
How could she hope for a happy ending with Luke when she has a hand in taking away Rory's happiness? It doesn't really matter that he's rich or arrogant in a charming way. All that matters is that he loves her with all his heart, and makes her happy. And he does.
So, when Rory wakes she holds a cup of coffee out for her as first step. It is left ignored, not a word leaving her daughter's mouth. Lorelai knows this could be the beginning of another estrangement, probably even worse than the previous one. Coffee does not get ignored and talking doesn't cease in the Gilmore world. Yet now it seems exactly so.
One last time she uses the mother card telling her to get dressed and pack some essentials. This is serious because Rory would have argued her heart out on a normal day; now she's simply doing it.
She drives in silence, Rory sitting beside now wearing the sweater that she doesn't seem to be able to let go of. This is the right thing to do, she is sure. As sure as she's only been once before in her life.
As they arrive at the airport Rory looks at her questioningly, still not saying a word. It cuts deeply.
Inside the building she presses a ticket into her hand and pushes her to the right gate just as the flight is called.
"San Fransicso?" And then Lorelai sees it — a sparkle of hope in the eyes as blue as her own. It is easy letting go of someone you love when, in the end, you know you gain more than you lose.
"Someone will be waiting for you there," she says with a smile.
