Evermore
People smiling, people laughing. Happiness is all around. In love, beloved, togetherness. Everyone seems to have a piece of the cake, a dose of it.
It makes me wonder... Will I ever get my happy ending?
And deep inside my heart I'm so afraid. Afraid that the only answer I'll ever get is simply, No.
It's that feeling that being with me, enduring my weaknesses and even strengths is simply too much to cope with. Or that maybe I'm not worthy to once in my life feel that all encompassing love.
I wish I could go back to being child. That time when you didn't know of the pains of the world. That time when you found the new-born kittens of your neighbor the most exciting thing in the whole wide world. A time when complete happiness was still available because your conscience didn't weigh so heavily on your shoulders.
I want to have that feeling back, if only for just a minute or so. Just being in sync with myself anymore. Just a moment of being worthy, of liking who I am, who I have turned into. Not being afraid anymore and wishing that at some point in the past it would have been better to take another turn at one of those crossroads.
It makes me wonder... Am I even made for that happy ending? Will I ever be ready?
It's not craving for love I'm missing, the deep yearning for that one person that might take the chance. No, not that at all.
My heart is overflowing with the desire to find, to keep. It seems though, as if that labyrinth I'm stuck in, isn't ready to set me free. Yet, I wish to add but what do I know.
If your heart has been broken too many times to count...
People ripped out of you life, in a way no one would ever deserve. Splintering. Things happening that seem too hard to bear again and again. Shattering. Struggling with the concept of living. Broken.
... What then?
No one is there to fix you. Fix you and put those pieces back together. So, I'm doing it myself. Looking for the millions of splitters, patching them up scantily. What can I do when that thing that's holding them together, love, is barely there anymore?
No shoulder to cry on, no strength to rely on. And it all just falls back into broken pieces.
I see these happy people and wonder... Will I ever be like them?
And slowly, I'm giving up on that little bit hope still left in me. I might be undeserving of this treasure that I'm longing for.
