Analysis Of The Curse
It was a busy afternoon in the City of Angels — and a hot one as well. Every now and then the sound of a tooting horn could be heard from the street below. Cordelia sat in her chair in the air-conditioned office of Angel Investigations, constantly tapping her fingernails on the desk in front of her and causing a nerve-racking noise. She was bored, so very bored.
"I've been thinking about your curse, Angel," she blurted out all of a sudden, leaning back in her chair finally. Then she waited. Waited for a reaction from her vampire boss. She knew he heard her fully well, but was probably preparing himself for what would follow. Well, she didn't even know herself yet.
It was minutes later when he finally emerged from his room, not showing any sign of surprise or confusion on his face — just the usual stoic Angel. He looked at her expectantly, leaning his big body against the doorframe for support. Cordelia knew by now that he wouldn't say a word before she explained her train of thought further. So she did.
"You see, those Gypsies were just stupid including a clause that you can lose your soul and go grr again in a moment of true happiness. Of course they weren't stupid, because then you wouldn't be here being tall, mysterious and helping the hopeless. But I mean, why would they do that and risk other people being killed? They wanted you to suffer for what you did — thoroughly — but... that so makes no sense... and," she rambled on and on until Angel interrupted her finally. Crossing his arms over his chest he simply said, "Cordy."
"What? Have you ever thought about it? Like really thought? Okay, you brood but I always thought that was about your blonde fighter bunny and not about yourself. Of course this has to include you in some way but, well, you know what I mean. So, I really don't understand that curse. This is..." He shook his head and felt how the usual confusion when listening to her was filling him once again. "Cordy...," Angel started again, now standing directly in front of her desk.
And this time she actually let him speak. After all she was really curious what he had to say about this — if he said something useful at all. This could even turn into a decent conversation where not only she was part of it — as weird as that thought might seem in the first moment. "Cordy, I had a hundred years to think this through. With the soul comes conscience and the pain I had caused nearly tore me apart. They wanted revenge for what they had to go through."
"I know all this, but that doesn't explain the happiness thing. You didn't even know about it before you did the horizontal mambo with Miss Slay-happy, didn't you?" she interrupted him again because she just couldn't stop herself. She had to get all those thoughts out that were running through her mind. Besides, if she didn't stop thinking she would get a headache and she had enough of that as side-effect of the visions. Thank you very much. Why she had started wondering about the curse in the first place, she didn't know, just that she couldn't concentrate on anything else since she came to the office this morning.
"True," he finally agreed and sat down in the chair which was intended for the few customers who actually came here to the office.
"How do you actually know that your soul is not permanent? I mean, it could have changed," Cordy asked after studying his face for quite a while. At the same time she contemplated for which of her hundreds of questions she wanted a decent answer first. "I... well, I don't really know. It's just a feeling," Angel admitted, doing that thing with his brow she had grown to love.
"You're joking right? Tell me, you just want to annoy me some more. Angel?" With every new word coming out of her mouth, her voice became more and more similar to a squeal hurting the vampire's sensitive hearing. He could barely stop himself from covering his ears with his hands. Still, he let her keep going on and on, just didn't listen anymore. In the time he had spent with Cordy so far, he had learned that patience was the virtue most useful with her.
"Did you hear me, mister? We have to find out. There has to be some way and if Wesley doesn't have any book or scroll or whatever, I'm sure I can make you blissfully happy. Cordelia Chase can make every man and vampire perfectly happy, even you broody boy," she declared while pacing back and forth behind her chair. She had gotten up from it when Angel didn't say a word and this was driving her crazy; she couldn't sit anymore. "I'm sure you can, Cordy, but I don't want you to. I don't want you to be hurt — physically or mentally— by Angelus. This is too dangerous for you."
"So, to sum it up — your soul could be permanent and you don't want to find out. Are you... out of your mind... crazy... or just plain old stupid?" Cordy shouted. The moment Angel wanted to get a word in, she continued her endless talking, though, "Wait a minute... why do I actually want you to find out? That would only lead to more brooding or worse, you would run back to Sunnyhell and blondie. Okay Angel, forget everything I said... just forget it."
Sighing she plopped back on her chair and tried to return to what she was doing before she started asking all those questions but she actually didn't remember. She shot a quick look at Angel, who still sat opposite her, noticing he was, of course, brooding.
What she didn't know, however, was that it was about her, everything she had uttered in the last minutes and the truth behind her words. True apart from what would happen if he could be happy. He liked his life in LA way too much to return to a life full of misery and pain. Besides, Cordelia had spread out herself in his life and even his cold heart. Who in the world would be able to leave a woman like her? He definitely not.
"I promise you I'm staying here, even if bliss can become a part of my life," Angel told her with a low voice, leaning forward to make her look at him. A smile lit up her features then, first small then as bright as a summer day at noon.
"It seems you've been thinking a lot about this. When do you think my soul could have become permanent?" he asked, knowing she loved to express her opinion and making her happy was something he had grown to love. "After the whole star-crossed lovers drama... I mean after your return from hell," she quickly corrected herself. "Or maybe when you came to LA, you know, for finding the way to your redemption. As reward or to make things easier." Nodding he simply said, "Possibly."
He suddenly got up and vanished in his own office leaving Cordelia not completely satisfied with the result of their conversation. It was better than she first thought, though. Now she just needed to convince him to test her theory, and she was pretty sure she could charm him into it.
When the door opened some minutes later, Wesley, the not so rogue demon hunter, literally stumbled in. "Fell over our favourite dog again?!" She laughed as every time that had happened before. A cute stray dog had decided to camp outside the office of Angel Investigations a few weeks ago and Wesley seemed to always overlook it.
Said Angel decided to come out of his hiding place in the very moment to ask her one last question, "Did you want to have... sex with me?" Shocked the other two looked at him. "What?" Wes squeaked looking from his boss to his co-worker and back; he knew he had missed something important — again.
Startled Cordelia stared at the vampire but spotted the slight unusual smirk on his face after just a second. He wanted to play; he would get the perfect partner in crime. Two can... need to play that game. "I'm sure there's more than that one way to achieve bliss," she reminded him with a quick wink.
Wesley, however, didn't notice all of this. He stood dumbfounded by the door, looking at the bantering of the two but without seeing it. He was afraid to ask what was going on here; he still didn't trust the sometimes pretty moody vampire completely. "Get your books, Wes, start researching Angel's damn curse," she ordered the former Watcher, making him wonder who the real boss was around here.
As there was no way she was going anywhere near old, smelly and dusty books again she returned to... doing nothing. Actually she still couldn't get Angel out of her head. How could she after that promise? If Buffy was here now she might have stuck her tongue out to tell the slayer that the vampire with a soul was hers now. Wait a second. Hers? Her friend, her very own friend of course, a bond the blonde never shared with him. Satisfied with her thought she leaned back and was bored again, seriously bored. Well, some more thinking about tall, dark and handsome with possibly permanent soul couldn't hurt. It was better than doing... nothing. So back to salty goodness.
